31/10/2010 by Christophe.

‘I am starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways…
.. Take a look at yourself, and then make a change’

How often do you want someone to change the way they do things?
How often are you frustrated by someone’s behaviours?
How often do you consider how your behaviours affect others?

We can easily imagine ourselves in our every day life, experiencing unpleasant, uncomfortable, or unwanted behaviours and wish that people could change the way they do things. And some of us have probably tried to mention it or discuss the situation with very little success.

For example, we may have built a certain anxiety or frustration when meeting a certain person (friend, family member or a work colleague), over years, because we don’t appreciate or like they way they behave with us or this situation. And now every time we see each other, we find ourselves dreading it, finding excuses not to meet, or even choosing to have a bad day in advance of seeing that person. And the only thing we wish for is for them to change they way they are behaving.

I was told this little story about someone who wanted to buy something from an electric store quickly during his lunch break. He entered the store with one thing in his mind: Get in, buy it, get out. Unfortunately it was a busy day. So he waited and got more agitated and he believed that the staff of the store weren’t efficient enough and weren’t giving him the attention he wanted. I then asked him to describe to me how he thought the staff of the store perceived him when he entered the store… interesting self-discovery!

So what can we do?

Well, like the words in this famous song, we need to take a look at ourselves and then make a change.

By following these steps, we can start looking at the situation with a different perspective and creating a new interaction and in turn a new outcome:

1.    Think win/win – Think of how they and you would behave so that everyone is a winner (Be aware that what you want may NOT be a winning outcome for them - Thinking of them behaving like you is NOT an option).

2.    Change first – To make any changes, you have to change your behaviour first keeping in mind the win/win outcome.

3.    Recognise and reward – As soon as they react in a different manner to the situation and to your new behaviour, recognise how different it is and let them know how much you like it.

As you begin to practice being more aware of your own behaviours, and being more focussed on what you want from the situation so that everyone is a winner, you’ll notice over the next weeks and months the difference it makes to your everyday life, to the way you approach a situation and how much by changing your behaviours first, people around you change theirs.

Enjoy!

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18/10/2010 by Christophe.

How long did you spend thinking about what you were going to wear this morning? Five minutes? Ten? Or did you just throw on the first shirt and pair of trousers that came to hand? Chances are that, if you’re a man, the most you have to think about is whether this tie goes with that shirt…

But for women there’s a fine line between frumpy and sexy, professional and tarty. If your skirts that bit too short, or your blouse undone one button too much, the impression you want to give may be perceived completely differently.

Ines Sainz recently fell foul of this no-win situation. When the one time Miss Universe contestant has recently started a job as a sports presenter and arrived at a New York Jets game in a low cut top, jeans and heels, she may or may not have made the impression she was intending for her first day.

Should she have turned up in a tracksuit and trainers?

Getting the balance right is difficult.  Remember that first impressions matter, and that spendint the time to decide what to wear, what makes you comfortable and what people are expecting you to wear can make all the difference…

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15/10/2010 by Christophe.

Interesting and challenging 22km walk over Mondarrain and Artzamendi with great people .. thanks for a great day .. A day walking

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15/10/2010 by Christophe.

Last week it was tube strikes.

This week, there are talks by the fire brigade about their strikes.

Almost all of us have been affected by the strikes by BA staff.

But I was more than a little bit surprised when I read that grandparents in Madrid recently took strike action for the day. Apparently, one in eight Spanish grandparents look after their grandchildren for nine hours a day without payment, and they’d had enough, and went on strike!

What’s the purpose of striking?

Some people say that striking is a right and it is a way to let people know if you think you have been unfairly treated.
But maybe the most important point about strike action is to understand how it might just make a lot more people feel that the treatment they’re receiving is unfair – and it’s being caused by the ones who wanted to stop being unfairly treated!

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08/10/2010 by Christophe.

A friend was telling me how there was a constant battle between herself and her weight. It wants to go up, but she wants it to go down – it’s a constant struggle.  She is always disappointed, and often surprised, when she steps on the scales to find that either her weight has stayed the same or (gasp!) crept up another pound or two.
But deep down, she’s not surprised and she even said ‘After all, I’m the one that eats what I eat. I’m the one that does (or more often doesn’t do) the exercise every week so there shouldn’t be any surprise when nothing changes – wishing to be thinner isn’t enough to make it happen!’

Positive thinking is a great habit to have, but your thoughts aren’t the only thing that needs to change.

She continued to describe how twelve weeks before her wedding, she had a panic that the most important and expensive dress she was ever going to buy wasn’t going to fit her.  So she joined the gym because she needed to lose the inches!

I remember her telling me at the time how pleased she was the her dress had done up without any tugging required and that she actually had to have it taken in!

After the wedding came the honeymoon. After the honeymoon came Christmas. And
after Christmas came the excuses, and she hasn’t been back to the gym regularly since. She promises herself that “I’ll go tomorrow”, or “at the weekend” or “next week when I’m off work”, but it never happens – there’s always an excuse. And the longer she leaves it, the more nervous she gets about going back.

One Sunday, her husband (on the receiving end of all her excuses and her moaning about her weight) suggested they go out for a drive… When he pulled up outside the gym, it’s fair to say it wasn’t the destination she had expected! He handed her a gym bag.

She actually really enjoyed the workout, although she found it difficult to admit that to him.

She realised that wishful thinking is not enough and moaning about it won’t make it happen, either and that if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get the same results.

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01/10/2010 by Marketing Team.

‘When the mindset dictates the outcome’

How often do we doubt ourselves?
How much do we limit ourselves?
How much does our internal dialogue affect our everyday challenges?

Let’s imagine for a moment that what we think, can, to a certain degree, affect our confidence, our abilities, the people around us and the outcome of a situation. The more positive our internal conversation (talking to ourselves) the closer we get to the result we want. The more our internal dialogue is negative the further away we get from the results we want.For example, I have experienced many times the ‘plank exercise’ and I am always amazed how simply it demonstrates how the little voice inside us affects our confidence, abilities and behaviours. The plank exercise involves walking across a plank of wood about 20cm wide and 2m long. The first time you walk it, the plank is resting on the floor and the second time, it is at a height of 1m. Mostly everyone can easily walk across the plank on the floor but a large number of people don’t manage to walk the full length of the plank when it stands at 1m high.

The main difference is all to do with what we think just before crossing the plank:

The first time, ‘That’s easy …’
And the second time, ‘Oh, that’s difficult and what happens if I fall…’

It is important to be aware of what we think just before starting what we do. Are we setting ourselves up to fail or to succeed?

So what can we do?

We can simply be more aware of the message of our internal dialogue just before doing something and follow these 2 easy to remember steps:

1-    Be aware of the message just before the event – is it positive or negative? Is this what I want?

2-    Be flexible (if it isn’t what I want) – what is that I do well that could help me? What resources can I pull on (for example, the last time I achieved something challenging or unexpected, how did I do it)?

As you begin to practice being more aware of your internal messages, and being more flexible as well as searching for what you need to change your internal dialogue, you’ll notice over the next weeks and months the difference it makes to your everyday life, to the way you approach a situation and how much more resourceful you are when faced with difficulties.
Enjoy

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