Tip of the Month - October

31/10/2010 by Christophe.

‘I am starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways…
.. Take a look at yourself, and then make a change’

How often do you want someone to change the way they do things?
How often are you frustrated by someone’s behaviours?
How often do you consider how your behaviours affect others?

We can easily imagine ourselves in our every day life, experiencing unpleasant, uncomfortable, or unwanted behaviours and wish that people could change the way they do things. And some of us have probably tried to mention it or discuss the situation with very little success.

For example, we may have built a certain anxiety or frustration when meeting a certain person (friend, family member or a work colleague), over years, because we don’t appreciate or like they way they behave with us or this situation. And now every time we see each other, we find ourselves dreading it, finding excuses not to meet, or even choosing to have a bad day in advance of seeing that person. And the only thing we wish for is for them to change they way they are behaving.

I was told this little story about someone who wanted to buy something from an electric store quickly during his lunch break. He entered the store with one thing in his mind: Get in, buy it, get out. Unfortunately it was a busy day. So he waited and got more agitated and he believed that the staff of the store weren’t efficient enough and weren’t giving him the attention he wanted. I then asked him to describe to me how he thought the staff of the store perceived him when he entered the store… interesting self-discovery!

So what can we do?

Well, like the words in this famous song, we need to take a look at ourselves and then make a change.

By following these steps, we can start looking at the situation with a different perspective and creating a new interaction and in turn a new outcome:

1.    Think win/win – Think of how they and you would behave so that everyone is a winner (Be aware that what you want may NOT be a winning outcome for them - Thinking of them behaving like you is NOT an option).

2.    Change first – To make any changes, you have to change your behaviour first keeping in mind the win/win outcome.

3.    Recognise and reward – As soon as they react in a different manner to the situation and to your new behaviour, recognise how different it is and let them know how much you like it.

As you begin to practice being more aware of your own behaviours, and being more focussed on what you want from the situation so that everyone is a winner, you’ll notice over the next weeks and months the difference it makes to your everyday life, to the way you approach a situation and how much by changing your behaviours first, people around you change theirs.

Enjoy!

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