28/02/2011 by Christophe.

‘I wanted to say ‘NO’ but I couldn’t do it!’

How often do we find ourselves trapped into doing something for someone else?
How often do we say ‘YES’ and regret it later?
How difficult is it for us to say ‘NO’?

We can easily think of situation after situation where we’ve found ourselves saying ‘YES’ to someone when we may not have the time, the experience, or the resources to help them. We are probably worried that if we refuse it might upset them, or we might loose an opportunity, or we think it’s easier to say ‘YES’, or maybe we believe that saying ‘NO’ is rude.

The important factor of saying ‘YES’ or ‘NO’ is the effect is has on us.

For example, you have your day planned and you are excited by the prospect of having a very efficient and rewarding day. Suddenly, you get an unexpected phone call from a friend, a colleague or a person from your family asking you to do something for them. You find yourself cornered and can’t find the strength to say that you can’t help them at that moment. You say ‘YES’. Your state has changed… you are not excited anymore, you are annoyed or angry. And you might wonder what the full impact is on you and the people around you and how long it is going to last.

So what can we do?

We can simply adopt this 3 step model (AES). It gives us the option to say ‘NO’ in a useful and efficient manner and then it allows us to feel good about the situation because we have been resourceful and helpful.

Step 1 – A – Acknowledge and manage expectations

You acknowledge the situation and quickly warn them that you might NOT be able to help – I understand that you need to do this quite quickly. I am very busy myself and may not be able to help. Acknowlegde that you know they want some help.

Step 2 – E – Exit

You may need to exit the situation for a short while to have some time to think about whether it is worth you spending the time helping or not. If you don’t have time, make sure you get back to that person when you say you will – I need to think about this … Can I call you back at 11am, on that number?

You may not need to exit and go directly to Step 3.

Step 3 – S – Solutions

You should always offer two or three alternative options to the situation so you can feel comfortable and helpful, even when saying no to the original request– As I said earlier, it is going to be difficult to help you now thought I can make some time tomorrow or if it helps you can try to call this number… or contact that person…

As you begin to use the AES model, you will be pleasantly surprised how easy and simple it is to say ‘NO’ and how comfortable you are with it because you always offer alternative solutions. Over the next weeks and months, you will get better and better in managing people and difficult situations and more and more resourceful and in control of your life.
Enjoy!

Posted in NLP Tips | No Comments »

18/02/2011 by Christophe.

I would like to share with you this interesting personal experience that a friend had with the word ‘sorry’
“Elton John reckons that sorry is the hardest word. It doesn’t seem to be a problem that I have, though. In fact, “Sorry” seems to be a word that comes really easily for me.

I hadn’t actually realised that I said it so much until a couple of people pointed it out to me. In fact, “sorry” seems to be a prefix to a lot of the things I say:
“Sorry, but I have a question…”
“Oh, sorry, I’m in your way…”
“Sorry, but before you go any further…”

Most of the time, I don’t even need to say sorry – I just do it. I think that if someone punched me in the face I’d apologise for someone walking into me!

But, why do I do it?

Is it because I think it’s polite?
Is it because I feel like what I’m about to say isn’t important?
Or is it because I’m apologising for being me?

Honestly, I am not sure why I do it, but it’s something that I have to start to work out. In the meantime, I can’t tell you, or, I’m sorry but I can’t tell you!”
A few very interesting questions to ask ourselves:
Why do we think we need to excuse ourselves?
What impression do we give when saying sorry all the time?
How often do we say it?

Posted in Life Coaching | No Comments »

09/02/2011 by Christophe.

I have just discovered this saying. I don’t know where it comes from. I just like the options it gives us to behave differently.

Could it mean that we could avoid taking everything around us so seriously and that with a smile and some willpower, we could so easily enjoy life for what it is?

Or could it be that we have the tendency to avoid conflicts and prefer to stay away from difficult situations?

Or could it be that we don’t know how to seek the positive side in all situations, or we simply don’t know how to focus more on the solutions instead of the problems?

For example, we receive feedback that we don’t like. Should we not say anything to avoid showing how we feel about it? Should we try to defend our ground and risk an argument? Or maybe we should think of it as an interesting opportunity to explore what we could learn from it?

You might have your own version of what is behind this lovely sentence… I wonder what it could be?

Posted in Life Coaching | 1 Comment »

03/02/2011 by Christophe.

There are still some places left for the NLP Diploma course in Biarritz.

A great week with lots of learning outcomes that can be put into practice straight away, either in the workplace or in your day to day life.

N Burnham – Customer Sales Executive

Posted in NLP courses | No Comments »

02/02/2011 by Christophe.

‘A new year brings so many new resolutions’

How often do you make a resolution that doesn’t last or doesn’t get completed?
How much do unfulfilled resolutions affect us year after year?
What would it be like to have a clearer vision for the year to come?

It is the time of year where most of us make new resolutions to change bad habits, to improve our every day life, to move our career up or simply to be more healthy.

So just look at the Blob Tree and answer the questions:

 1. Which blob figure represented you best in 2010 and why?
2. Which blob figure would you like to be in 2011 and why?
3. What is the first resolution you need to make for this to happen?

If you can’t answer the following questions with a yes each time, it may just mean that you need to revisit your new resolution.

1. Is this resolution Positive (I want instead of I don’t want)?
2. Do you know what the Evidence of this success will be (What will you hear or see)?
3. Do you know in which Context you want this resolution to apply (When and where)?
4. Is it Self-achievable (Only depends on you?)
5. Are you aware of the Advantages & Inconveniences (Are you happy with what you will lose)?
6. Is it still Worthwhile?

Now it is just the simple process to put your first action in place for the first week, and plan the next few weeks and few months so you can easily change this new resolution into a life changing experience and a great sense of achievement.

Enjoy 2011!

Posted in NLP Tips | No Comments »