Tip of the Month - February 2011

28/02/2011 by Christophe.

‘I wanted to say ‘NO’ but I couldn’t do it!’

How often do we find ourselves trapped into doing something for someone else?
How often do we say ‘YES’ and regret it later?
How difficult is it for us to say ‘NO’?

We can easily think of situation after situation where we’ve found ourselves saying ‘YES’ to someone when we may not have the time, the experience, or the resources to help them. We are probably worried that if we refuse it might upset them, or we might loose an opportunity, or we think it’s easier to say ‘YES’, or maybe we believe that saying ‘NO’ is rude.

The important factor of saying ‘YES’ or ‘NO’ is the effect is has on us.

For example, you have your day planned and you are excited by the prospect of having a very efficient and rewarding day. Suddenly, you get an unexpected phone call from a friend, a colleague or a person from your family asking you to do something for them. You find yourself cornered and can’t find the strength to say that you can’t help them at that moment. You say ‘YES’. Your state has changed… you are not excited anymore, you are annoyed or angry. And you might wonder what the full impact is on you and the people around you and how long it is going to last.

So what can we do?

We can simply adopt this 3 step model (AES). It gives us the option to say ‘NO’ in a useful and efficient manner and then it allows us to feel good about the situation because we have been resourceful and helpful.

Step 1 – A – Acknowledge and manage expectations

You acknowledge the situation and quickly warn them that you might NOT be able to help – I understand that you need to do this quite quickly. I am very busy myself and may not be able to help. Acknowlegde that you know they want some help.

Step 2 – E – Exit

You may need to exit the situation for a short while to have some time to think about whether it is worth you spending the time helping or not. If you don’t have time, make sure you get back to that person when you say you will – I need to think about this … Can I call you back at 11am, on that number?

You may not need to exit and go directly to Step 3.

Step 3 – S – Solutions

You should always offer two or three alternative options to the situation so you can feel comfortable and helpful, even when saying no to the original request– As I said earlier, it is going to be difficult to help you now thought I can make some time tomorrow or if it helps you can try to call this number… or contact that person…

As you begin to use the AES model, you will be pleasantly surprised how easy and simple it is to say ‘NO’ and how comfortable you are with it because you always offer alternative solutions. Over the next weeks and months, you will get better and better in managing people and difficult situations and more and more resourceful and in control of your life.
Enjoy!

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