08/02/2012 by Christophe.

Discover the new tip of the month … Enjoy!

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05/10/2011 by Christophe.

‘I know what they need’

Do we often assume that we know what people are thinking?
Do we often imagine that someone should know what we like or not?
How often do we get it wrong and create an unwanted situation?

If we start listening to what we and people around you say, you will easily notice some of the following examples:

‘I know what she wants…’
‘I understand where he is coming from…’
‘They must know what I need…’
‘He won’t be happy with this…’
‘She won’t like it…’

For example, we notice that a good friend is not himself, he is not as cheerful as normal so we start wondering why this could be. We soon remember that he had an important meeting the day before and assume that something must have gone wrong. We feel sorry for him and start showing him some sympathy and say: ‘Don’t worry, things will get better..’. Surprised, he replies: ’What are you talking about?’.

We can believe we know what someone is thinking or feeling based on what we know about people and their life. And if we think we actually know them because they have been part of our life for a while, we can assume we have the knowledge necessary to know what they will think, feel, like or dislike. Sometimes we are right and sometimes we are so wrong.

So what can we do?

It is simple, just ask ourselves:

•    How do you I know this?

If we realise that we are not sure and we just believe it because this is how we would react in such a situation or because we have experienced a few similar situations. Then we can stop asking ourselves and start asking them.

As you begin to think about this, you will start noticing more and more times where you assume that you know what people are thinking and feeling or that they know what you are thinking and feeling. And over the next weeks and months, you will begin to ask yourself how I know this and you will also begin to check with the people concerned what it is really happening so you can behave in the most appropriate way to a situation.

Enjoy!

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05/10/2011 by Christophe.

‘Building your self-confidence’

Are we often limiting ourselves because we are lacking of confidence?
How often do we wish we had more confidence?
How resourceful do we feel when we are full of confidence?

It’s easy to remember situations where we have completed or achieved something special and felt powerful, satisfied and proud or situations where we didn’t even started on the task and felt sad, useless and annoyed with ourselves.

For example, we want to start a new hobby and meet up new people, and we know what we want to do and where and when it takes place but we cannot take the first step, we don’t feel confident enough to launch ourselves so we find excuses not to do it ‘I don’t have the time to do it anyway, I know it is going to be to difficult for me as well..’. We feel awful about ourselves.

So what can we do to build our confidence?

There are many things we can do to build our self-confidence and the following three are simple, easy to use and easy to remember:

1-    Recall the great memories – We start by thinking of a few out of the many situations where we felt good about ourselves, where we achieved something special, where we were appreciated by our family, friends or colleagues. All these memories are feeding our confidence

2-    Start with a resourceful mindset – If we are thinking that we can’t do something, we are not good at something, or simply If this is not for us then we are setting ourselves to fail but if we are thinking instead that we are going to have fun, I can always give it go, I am going to do the best I can, we are starting to believe in ourselves more and our confidence is growing..

3-    Learn from mistakes – It happens that sometimes we are not as successful as we would like and this is the case for all of us and the best way to deal with such situations is to move on by thinking of how we could this differently next time. We quickly move away from the problem and focus on a number of solutions.

As you begin to recall your great memories, to have a resourceful mindset and to learn from your mistake, you start realising how resourceful and flexible you can be. And over the next weeks and months, you will notice how different you are and how you are now capable to do more than before and how much, with time, you are stretching yourself with bigger and bigger challenges. While you are moving in the right direction, your self-confidence is growing.

Enjoy!

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14/06/2011 by Christophe.

‘Dealing with difficult people’

Do we sometimes find it difficult to understand others?
Do we often take personally when people are not behaving in the manner we are expecting?
How much does it affect our life?

We can easily think of a number of situations where we were (or are) involved with people that we find difficult to understand or simply to be with. And how often when we are in these situations, we find ourselves affected by the experience.

For example, you are working with a person whom you found difficult to interact with. One day, you decide to make an effort and ask: ‘Nice outfit, is it new?’. The person responds: ‘No.’. You persist: ‘Is it for a special occasion?’ and again: ‘No.’ You keep wondering what you have done to merit this treatment and how much you can cope with such attitude for much longer.

So what can we do?

There are a number of ways to deal with situations where we are faced with a person that thinks differently to us and may be one of the most easy to use and the most efficient to apply is to consider these:

-    First we can easily accept that everyone is different and might have different opinion, different way of thinking and behaving.
-    Then we can ask ourselves to imagine one of many good reasons why they are behaving that way.
-    And finally we can simply choose to step away from being the victim and choose to regain the control of our own emotions.

As you begin to think about these few points, you will start being more interesting by why people are behaving in the manner they do and what their world could be like. And over the next weeks and months, you will realise how much you are more in control and how less you get affected by the behaviours around you.

Enjoy!

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20/05/2011 by Christophe.

‘Everyone communicates at all times’

Do we only communicate with words?
How often do words on their own loose their real meaning?
How much does the way we communicate and our physiology affect our communication?

It’s easy to remember situations where you weren’t convinced by what you heard, thought that people weren’t sincere or simply didn’t believe that what people said was wh at they really meant. At the time, you heard all the right words. So what was missing?

For example, you’ve just done something for a colleague and the only response you get is a simple ‘thanks for doing this’. You suddenly feel frustrated and unhappy. You’re thinking that this is the last time you help them out and that they are so ungrateful of the time and effort you’ve given them. So again, what’s missing?

Many researches show that our communication is made of three elements and is spread like this:

-    55% of our communication is made by our physiology (body language)
-    38% of our communication is made by our tonality and pace (the way we say it)
-    7% of our communication is made up of words

So how does it work?

For our communication to be as efficient and meaningful as possible, the three elements need to be in tune, aligned or with the same intent. In the example above, it’s easy to see how the words were right but perhaps it wasn’t said in a suitable manner and probably, the physiology gave a totally different message.

Start to think about how we communicate all the time even if we don’t say much. Our physiology, our gestures, our facial expressions, our breathing, our eyes and other aspects are continuously communicating with the outside world.

How do we know when the three elements of our communication are aligned?

A simple and easy to remember rule is to check that what you are thinking and feeling is truly expressed by the words you use.

If not, 93% of your communication will be sending a different message.

As you begin to be more aware of what you are thinking and feeling at any moment and knowing that you are communicating at all time, you might start thinking about what you want to say so you can express yourself truly and get the response you want. And over the next weeks and months, you will happy to notice that you become more efficient in communicating in a true manner and gain respect for meaning what you say.

Enjoy!

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03/01/2011 by Christophe.

‘It’s Christmas time again… we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!’

What are you feeling about Christmas?
How much are you looking forward to it .. or not?
What are the most important things about Christmas?

It is the time of year where decorations are covering our streets and our shops, where Christmas lists are growing longer, where we are overwhelmed by advertising, and where we are running around to do our last minute shopping. For some people it is an exciting time but for others it is a stressful one.

For example, it’s easy to imagine two very similar families having two very different experiences. The first one is organising a Christmas meal with the whole family, just like every year and everyone has been looking forward to this special time of year to be able to spend time with the people they care about. The second family is wondering how they are going to manage to please everyone and avoid arguments, disappointments and stress.

So how can we make Christmas a more enjoyable moment for all?

The first thing is to remember that what ever we try and how ever much we try, it is probably true to say that we won’t be able to please everyone. It can help to think about the following guidelines in order to change the way we approach and spend this time of year.

1-    Everything can change

It is NOT because it happened before, that it has to happen again. We just need to believe that there are a huge number of ways to make any moment a more positive and enjoyable one. If you can change, so can others.

 2-    Forget the past

We all have the ability and choice to leave behind, forget, throw away or burn all the memories that could stop us enjoying ourselves. If we can’t forget or live with the past, then we should ask ourselves how useful or important (really!) these memories are in helping us enjoy this special moment.

 3-    Enjoy simplicity

Enjoyment and pleasure are so dear to us but we don’t benefit because we tend to look for something else, bigger and supposedly better. So just look for the simple signs in your everyday life… a smile, a look, a kind word, a welcoming gesture, the warmth of a handshake, the laughs…

Christmas could be about presents, food, drink or what’s on TV, or it could simply be about enjoying the small things in life with the people who care for us.

As Christmas gets closer, start looking now for the simple signs of happiness, enjoyment and pleasure in your life and become more and more aware as the days and the weeks go by. And on Christmas day, you will notice how much more enjoyable this special time is, and how much you will benefit from the vast amount of small pleasures Christmas brings.

Enjoy Christmas!

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01/12/2010 by Christophe.

‘Have you ever wondered what could really be going on instead of making assumptions?’

How often do we judge people through what we believe the meaning of their actions is?
How much do we get affected by comments, behaviours, gestures..?
How often do we feel threaten or do we react defensively?

You can surely think of a number of situations where you have made a judgement on someone’s behaviour or even on the person considering only your view of the situation. And you, probably like many of us, just explored this only one view.

For example, you enter a familiar place where a person you value as a friend is busy doing his own things, you say ‘Hello!’ (as usual) and the only thing you get is a quick glance. You are surprised and quickly wonder what you’ve done to deserve such treatment. You start feeling different.

So what can we do?

We simply need to be curious about the situation and to explore the potential meanings of what we are experiencing by asking ourselves the following questions:

1.    That’s interesting, what might be happening here for someone to behave like this?
2.    What would I need to be experiencing to react like this?
3.    What else? And what else?

As you begin to ask yourself these questions, you are dealing with these moments in an inquisitive manner and focusing on possibilities. And over the next weeks and months, you will be surprised to notice how much you are experiencing these situations in a more resourceful way and how much you have more control over their effects on you.

Enjoy!

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31/10/2010 by Christophe.

‘I am starting with the man in the mirror
I’m asking him to change his ways…
.. Take a look at yourself, and then make a change’

How often do you want someone to change the way they do things?
How often are you frustrated by someone’s behaviours?
How often do you consider how your behaviours affect others?

We can easily imagine ourselves in our every day life, experiencing unpleasant, uncomfortable, or unwanted behaviours and wish that people could change the way they do things. And some of us have probably tried to mention it or discuss the situation with very little success.

For example, we may have built a certain anxiety or frustration when meeting a certain person (friend, family member or a work colleague), over years, because we don’t appreciate or like they way they behave with us or this situation. And now every time we see each other, we find ourselves dreading it, finding excuses not to meet, or even choosing to have a bad day in advance of seeing that person. And the only thing we wish for is for them to change they way they are behaving.

I was told this little story about someone who wanted to buy something from an electric store quickly during his lunch break. He entered the store with one thing in his mind: Get in, buy it, get out. Unfortunately it was a busy day. So he waited and got more agitated and he believed that the staff of the store weren’t efficient enough and weren’t giving him the attention he wanted. I then asked him to describe to me how he thought the staff of the store perceived him when he entered the store… interesting self-discovery!

So what can we do?

Well, like the words in this famous song, we need to take a look at ourselves and then make a change.

By following these steps, we can start looking at the situation with a different perspective and creating a new interaction and in turn a new outcome:

1.    Think win/win – Think of how they and you would behave so that everyone is a winner (Be aware that what you want may NOT be a winning outcome for them - Thinking of them behaving like you is NOT an option).

2.    Change first – To make any changes, you have to change your behaviour first keeping in mind the win/win outcome.

3.    Recognise and reward – As soon as they react in a different manner to the situation and to your new behaviour, recognise how different it is and let them know how much you like it.

As you begin to practice being more aware of your own behaviours, and being more focussed on what you want from the situation so that everyone is a winner, you’ll notice over the next weeks and months the difference it makes to your everyday life, to the way you approach a situation and how much by changing your behaviours first, people around you change theirs.

Enjoy!

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01/10/2010 by Marketing Team.

‘When the mindset dictates the outcome’

How often do we doubt ourselves?
How much do we limit ourselves?
How much does our internal dialogue affect our everyday challenges?

Let’s imagine for a moment that what we think, can, to a certain degree, affect our confidence, our abilities, the people around us and the outcome of a situation. The more positive our internal conversation (talking to ourselves) the closer we get to the result we want. The more our internal dialogue is negative the further away we get from the results we want.For example, I have experienced many times the ‘plank exercise’ and I am always amazed how simply it demonstrates how the little voice inside us affects our confidence, abilities and behaviours. The plank exercise involves walking across a plank of wood about 20cm wide and 2m long. The first time you walk it, the plank is resting on the floor and the second time, it is at a height of 1m. Mostly everyone can easily walk across the plank on the floor but a large number of people don’t manage to walk the full length of the plank when it stands at 1m high.

The main difference is all to do with what we think just before crossing the plank:

The first time, ‘That’s easy …’
And the second time, ‘Oh, that’s difficult and what happens if I fall…’

It is important to be aware of what we think just before starting what we do. Are we setting ourselves up to fail or to succeed?

So what can we do?

We can simply be more aware of the message of our internal dialogue just before doing something and follow these 2 easy to remember steps:

1-    Be aware of the message just before the event – is it positive or negative? Is this what I want?

2-    Be flexible (if it isn’t what I want) – what is that I do well that could help me? What resources can I pull on (for example, the last time I achieved something challenging or unexpected, how did I do it)?

As you begin to practice being more aware of your internal messages, and being more flexible as well as searching for what you need to change your internal dialogue, you’ll notice over the next weeks and months the difference it makes to your everyday life, to the way you approach a situation and how much more resourceful you are when faced with difficulties.
Enjoy

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07/09/2010 by Marketing Team.

‘A life full of stretch is a fulfilling life’

How often do you stretch yourself?
Do you find that you tend to stay in your comfort zone?
Do you remember the last time you felt a great sense of achievement?
Well, now you can, with a simple model that can be used everyday, called ‘The Comfort, Stretch, Panic Model’

Karl Rohnke, an American expert in experiential learning, has developed a simple to use model called ‘The Comfort, Stretch, Panic Model’ for a wide range of applications and this model is especially useful for:

-personal development
-and building your confidence and self-esteem.

The Stretch Model is composed of 3 zones. Each model is unique and can be totally different from one person to the other.

The Comfort zone:
The comfort zone represents all situations where you feel comfortable, at ease, and when you have full (or near enough) control of the situation (at home, in your car, in your local pub, with your close friends…)

The Stretch zone:
The stretch zone involves new and different situations where you feel some pressure to do something you are not used to (starting a new hobby, a new job, meeting new people, driving for the first time on the motorway…)

The Panic zone:
The panic zone is normally when you loose total control and you also loose your ability to communicate and to do (climbing a high ladder when you are afraid of height, public speaking, …)

There are only 3 simple rules to fully enjoy our everyday life and to make your future fulfilling and exciting:

1-Never step into your panic zone (or push someone in their panic zone). This directly affects your self-esteem and self-confidence.

2-Always stretch yourself with suitable and appropriate new challenges. This gives you a sense of achievements and boosts your self-esteem and self-confidence.

3-Always find the right balance between stretching yourself and looking after yourself in your comfort zone.

As soon as you start adopting these 2 ‘always’ and the ‘never’ about these three important rules, you’ll quickly notice how much more you do, how often you get a great sense of achievement and how easy it is now for you to challenge yourself.

In the next weeks and months, you are going to build a greater self confidence and a long lasting self-esteem.

Enjoy!

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