05/10/2011 by Christophe.

‘I know what they need’

Do we often assume that we know what people are thinking?
Do we often imagine that someone should know what we like or not?
How often do we get it wrong and create an unwanted situation?

If we start listening to what we and people around you say, you will easily notice some of the following examples:

‘I know what she wants…’
‘I understand where he is coming from…’
‘They must know what I need…’
‘He won’t be happy with this…’
‘She won’t like it…’

For example, we notice that a good friend is not himself, he is not as cheerful as normal so we start wondering why this could be. We soon remember that he had an important meeting the day before and assume that something must have gone wrong. We feel sorry for him and start showing him some sympathy and say: ‘Don’t worry, things will get better..’. Surprised, he replies: ’What are you talking about?’.

We can believe we know what someone is thinking or feeling based on what we know about people and their life. And if we think we actually know them because they have been part of our life for a while, we can assume we have the knowledge necessary to know what they will think, feel, like or dislike. Sometimes we are right and sometimes we are so wrong.

So what can we do?

It is simple, just ask ourselves:

•    How do you I know this?

If we realise that we are not sure and we just believe it because this is how we would react in such a situation or because we have experienced a few similar situations. Then we can stop asking ourselves and start asking them.

As you begin to think about this, you will start noticing more and more times where you assume that you know what people are thinking and feeling or that they know what you are thinking and feeling. And over the next weeks and months, you will begin to ask yourself how I know this and you will also begin to check with the people concerned what it is really happening so you can behave in the most appropriate way to a situation.

Enjoy!

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05/10/2011 by Christophe.

‘Building your self-confidence’

Are we often limiting ourselves because we are lacking of confidence?
How often do we wish we had more confidence?
How resourceful do we feel when we are full of confidence?

It’s easy to remember situations where we have completed or achieved something special and felt powerful, satisfied and proud or situations where we didn’t even started on the task and felt sad, useless and annoyed with ourselves.

For example, we want to start a new hobby and meet up new people, and we know what we want to do and where and when it takes place but we cannot take the first step, we don’t feel confident enough to launch ourselves so we find excuses not to do it ‘I don’t have the time to do it anyway, I know it is going to be to difficult for me as well..’. We feel awful about ourselves.

So what can we do to build our confidence?

There are many things we can do to build our self-confidence and the following three are simple, easy to use and easy to remember:

1-    Recall the great memories – We start by thinking of a few out of the many situations where we felt good about ourselves, where we achieved something special, where we were appreciated by our family, friends or colleagues. All these memories are feeding our confidence

2-    Start with a resourceful mindset – If we are thinking that we can’t do something, we are not good at something, or simply If this is not for us then we are setting ourselves to fail but if we are thinking instead that we are going to have fun, I can always give it go, I am going to do the best I can, we are starting to believe in ourselves more and our confidence is growing..

3-    Learn from mistakes – It happens that sometimes we are not as successful as we would like and this is the case for all of us and the best way to deal with such situations is to move on by thinking of how we could this differently next time. We quickly move away from the problem and focus on a number of solutions.

As you begin to recall your great memories, to have a resourceful mindset and to learn from your mistake, you start realising how resourceful and flexible you can be. And over the next weeks and months, you will notice how different you are and how you are now capable to do more than before and how much, with time, you are stretching yourself with bigger and bigger challenges. While you are moving in the right direction, your self-confidence is growing.

Enjoy!

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25/09/2011 by Christophe.

I read a very interesting article in a Sunday paper about Emily Dugan who decided to cross England from the south (Land’s End) to the North (John O’Groats)… Nothing extraordinary so far.

But, she decided to hitch-hike all the way. Is she fearless?

75% of females say they have never hitch-hiked compared to 54% of males.

She was apparently very conscious of the situations she could have encountered, but 30 hours later, she reached her destination and said:

‘All I can go on are my own figures: 12 lifts, 12 very kind people and 12 reasons to think strangers aren’t necessarily the bogeyman.’

Since I’ve read this story, I keep thinking that we might be living our life being afraid of the ‘bogeyman’ and we might have forgotten that there is a vast quantity of ‘very kind people’ around us, in our neighbourhood, in our community …

I wonder what life could be like if we start appreciating, recognising, sharing, and living with all these kinds of people… How would it change the community spirit? How much would it give us a sense of belonging? And quite simply, what would happen if we were kinder to others?

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19/09/2011 by Christophe.

Come and discover our new dates for our NLP training courses in Biarritz.

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02/08/2011 by Christophe.

From some research I read a few days ago, it seems women smile on average 5 to 6 times more than men… it would be interesting to know why this is the case - why do women smile more than men?

Why do we smile?

We can generalise and say that it’s an external representation of what we’re feeling inside about what we’re experiencing at that moment, or it could be when we’re remembering great memories. If you start thinking about all the wonderful moments that fill up your life, you probably do begin to feel differently and the more you recall them, the bigger the feeling gets.. you are probably smiling already.

Do we always smile when we are happy?

Well, apparently we also smile when we feel embarrassed, under stress, uncomfortable or because it is part of what we do. Just imagine what it’s like for people who work in hotels, restaurants, shops… when you have to deal with people. So if there are many different reasons why we smile, why do we still smile? What does it do? And do different smiles affect us differently?

It’s easy to imagine that there must be a difference between smiling because we feel like it and smiling because we have to. And the difference is only, maybe, how we are responding. I personally am more attracted to someone who smile because they feel like it..

So when was the last time you smiled at someone because you felt like it instead of feeling you had to?

What difference would it make to our surrounding if we smiled more often and we did it because we wanted to? How much more easily would we communicate with people around us? How do people respond when you are smiling?

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27/06/2011 by Christophe.

As Wimbledon fortnight gets into full swing, everyone has an opinion about who their favourites are.
I was watching Serena Williams play France’s Aravane Rezai in the staff room with some colleagues when one of them said “I don’t like [Serena Williams], or her sister, really. I think they’re really arrogant and up themselves”.
“No she’s not”, another replied, “And anyway, she’s bloody good at what she does – surely she’s allowed to be a little bit cocky?”
It got me thinking about the fine line between confidence and arrogance.
Personally, I think the Williams sisters are brilliant at what they do. They train hard to be the best players they can be. And, when they go out on to a tennis court, they have to believe that they’re going to win the match, otherwise, what’s the point in them being there?
That, I think, is where their true talent lies. The belief they have in themselves and their abilities. Maybe some of the other players could do with taking a leaf out of the Williams’ book and believing in themselves a bit more.
In fact, I think we all could. If you don’t believe in yourself, how can you expect other people to believe in you?
Think about the people that you admire – the people who you aspire to be like. It’s unlikely that they have got to where they are without believing in themselves.

Do you know when you are stepping over the confidence line and landing into the arrogance world?

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14/06/2011 by Christophe.

‘Dealing with difficult people’

Do we sometimes find it difficult to understand others?
Do we often take personally when people are not behaving in the manner we are expecting?
How much does it affect our life?

We can easily think of a number of situations where we were (or are) involved with people that we find difficult to understand or simply to be with. And how often when we are in these situations, we find ourselves affected by the experience.

For example, you are working with a person whom you found difficult to interact with. One day, you decide to make an effort and ask: ‘Nice outfit, is it new?’. The person responds: ‘No.’. You persist: ‘Is it for a special occasion?’ and again: ‘No.’ You keep wondering what you have done to merit this treatment and how much you can cope with such attitude for much longer.

So what can we do?

There are a number of ways to deal with situations where we are faced with a person that thinks differently to us and may be one of the most easy to use and the most efficient to apply is to consider these:

-    First we can easily accept that everyone is different and might have different opinion, different way of thinking and behaving.
-    Then we can ask ourselves to imagine one of many good reasons why they are behaving that way.
-    And finally we can simply choose to step away from being the victim and choose to regain the control of our own emotions.

As you begin to think about these few points, you will start being more interesting by why people are behaving in the manner they do and what their world could be like. And over the next weeks and months, you will realise how much you are more in control and how less you get affected by the behaviours around you.

Enjoy!

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10/06/2011 by Christophe.

I have just read that a stationmaster with 27 years experience has been sacked because he decided to remove a supermarket trolley from the tracks.  He took all the necessary steps to protect himself and was still fired for a ‘serious breach of health and safety’.

How many examples do we hear, when we can or can’t do something based on the health and safety grounds? It seems that we have reached an age where we apparently need to be protected from all the dangers of life.  We can also wonder how much the often described ‘age of compensation’ is playing a role in the ever increasing health and safety regulations popping up left, right and centre in our every day life.

So, we can easily argue that all these regulations are here to keep us safe but I am more interested by the impact this could have on our life, and maybe more on the life of our children, or even the children of our children.

What would life be if our actions are directed by a large number of signs warning us of all the possible dangers, hazards or threat? How would this affect the way we live our lives, the way we seek opportunities, or even the way we challenge ourselves? How are we making decisions?

What if the more we are told what to do or NOT to do, the less we need our common sense?

What if the more signs are appearing, the less we believe we can take any initiative?

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20/05/2011 by Christophe.

‘Everyone communicates at all times’

Do we only communicate with words?
How often do words on their own loose their real meaning?
How much does the way we communicate and our physiology affect our communication?

It’s easy to remember situations where you weren’t convinced by what you heard, thought that people weren’t sincere or simply didn’t believe that what people said was wh at they really meant. At the time, you heard all the right words. So what was missing?

For example, you’ve just done something for a colleague and the only response you get is a simple ‘thanks for doing this’. You suddenly feel frustrated and unhappy. You’re thinking that this is the last time you help them out and that they are so ungrateful of the time and effort you’ve given them. So again, what’s missing?

Many researches show that our communication is made of three elements and is spread like this:

-    55% of our communication is made by our physiology (body language)
-    38% of our communication is made by our tonality and pace (the way we say it)
-    7% of our communication is made up of words

So how does it work?

For our communication to be as efficient and meaningful as possible, the three elements need to be in tune, aligned or with the same intent. In the example above, it’s easy to see how the words were right but perhaps it wasn’t said in a suitable manner and probably, the physiology gave a totally different message.

Start to think about how we communicate all the time even if we don’t say much. Our physiology, our gestures, our facial expressions, our breathing, our eyes and other aspects are continuously communicating with the outside world.

How do we know when the three elements of our communication are aligned?

A simple and easy to remember rule is to check that what you are thinking and feeling is truly expressed by the words you use.

If not, 93% of your communication will be sending a different message.

As you begin to be more aware of what you are thinking and feeling at any moment and knowing that you are communicating at all time, you might start thinking about what you want to say so you can express yourself truly and get the response you want. And over the next weeks and months, you will happy to notice that you become more efficient in communicating in a true manner and gain respect for meaning what you say.

Enjoy!

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13/05/2011 by Christophe.

It’s unbelievable to think that it’s almost half way through the year.

You might have noticed that there wasn’t a tip of the month in April.

With work, family and friends it can be difficult to stop, take a minute for yourself, and breathe slowly and deeply.

We all face the challenge of prioritising our workloads, nights out with friends, quality time with your family and often the thing we forget about is the most important of all – ourselves.

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